The legal system is designed to protect men from the superior power of the state but not to protect women or children from the superior power of men. – Judith Lewis Herman 

All of the references to violent domestic abuse by men in See What You Made Me Do are qualified by this very important statement.

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“When it comes to family conflict and domestic hostility in heterosexual relationships, women are just as capable of being physically and psychologically abusive…to their male partners. But when it comes to coercive control – the most dangerous form of domestic abuse, suffered by 60 to 80 per cent of women who seek help – women make up an extremely small minority of perpetrators. Domestic abuse is gendered. In its most dangerous forms, it is a crime perpetrated by men against  women. “

The gender gap in domestic homicide is crucial, and this is discussed at length in the book, by Jess Hill and others.

Shame and humiliation experienced by young boys, extensive research finds, can predispose them to extreme violence in adulthood.  When abusive men are confronted with these deep-seated feelings, women and children can suffer horrific abuse, and sometimes death, at the hands of those men who refuse to deal with the true source their own pain and frustration. In this well researched book, Jess Hill delves into theories and extensive research investigating why domestic abuse is so prevalent  and escalating in Australia and other countries around the world.  

Studies of domestic abuse perpetrators “do show a higher than average incidence of personality disorder, especially so-called ‘antisocial’ disorders such as sociopathy, psychopathy and borderline personality. “ However, in one major study, the vast majority of abusers were no more disordered than ‘regular people’.

Another study found that  “when abusive men emerge out of violent childhoods…the man is addicted to brutality to keep his shaky self-concept intact…The only times he feels powerful and whole,  is when he is engaged in violence.” A psychoanalyst goes further: “The passion to have absolute and unrestricted control over a living being…is the transformation of impotence into omnipotence.”

Patriarchy …after decades of research and work with victims, it was found that men who subscribe to rigid gender stereotypes are more likely to abuse their partners. ”Study after study finds that men are more prone to abusing if they’ve been: a) socialised into rigid gender roles, b) believe that men are naturally superior, or c) feel their masculinity or superiority has been threatened, particularly if women have not complied with their gender-role expectations. ”

Karen Willis, “a legend of the gender abuse sector” states that those who use violence in their relationships are into power and control … they want to “hurt, humiliate and dominate.”  Where does this sense of entitlement come from? Why this need for control and sense of entitlement?  According to Willis … “Good old fashioned  patriarchy.” …the system of patriarchy gives some men, what they perceive as permission, to use power and control and be dominant…”women and children within their families should be subjugated to them.”

Pornography…

Violent pornography is freely available on the internet  and can be accessed by children. Why isn’t it banned?  The past twenty years has seen hardcore porn go mainstream. It is extremely violent, and degrading to women.  There are alarming and harmful effects manifesting in men and boys who watch it and data from rape and sexual assault  centres…”show  that in the past five years the severity of sexual violence they are dealing with has increased exponentially.”

The chapters on police culture  and  Family Court failings  are harrowing reading. So many women and children have died because police did not do their job, even when a woman was in extreme danger, in fear of her and her children’s lives and had phoned police many times.   Too many violent and dangerous men are given the benefit of the doubt, and are granted custody by Family Courts.

There are statements emerging from those children, now adults,  who were forced to live with their violent  and sexually abusive fathers  because Family Court judges chose to believe the violent perpetrator over the testimonies of their children and the testimonies of abused female partners, who were the children’s protectors.  Family Courts put too much credence on only one  psychiatrist’s report; who often tends to believe the violent perpetrator rather than the obviously terrified children who do not want to live with their fathers,  A too common  accusation aimed at  mothers is that they are ‘guilty ‘ of ‘alienating’ their children against their fathers.

Tech savvy violent men have found new ways to hound and terrify their ex-partners and children. “Tech-facilitated abuse has become so ubiquitous that refuges and domestic violence services are teaming up with specialist risk and safety assessors trained to detect concealed devices and apps, which can even be concealed in a child’s favourite  toy…Most commonly though, a perpetrator tracks his partner though her phone. For $45 per month, you can see everything on someone’s phone, including stuff that’s been deleted.”

This is a must read for all those women fleeing domestic abuse, and for those who wish to help them. There is also a chapter on the last page of the book on which the author has listed help lines in all states and territories, including Immigrant Women’s Health Service and translation services. These numbers include  help with urgent accommodation and transport.

There is also an excellent chapter on successful Women’s Police Stations in other countries and we can only hope that Australian Police and the government see the benefits in these specialized police systems in the battle against the alarming rates of domestic abuse and subsequent deaths of women and children.

Aboriginal Women and Girls.

One chapter concentrates on the domestic abuse and other violent abuse of Aboriginal women and girls. The abuse of Aboriginal women and girls, by their partners, other family members, and white men, is particularly horrific. And once again, police culture, and the police response, to cries of help from these women and girls and their families, is woeful and it has to be said, racist! I can find no other plausible explanation as to why police minimise  the terrible plight of Aboriginal women and children, especially if the perpetrator is a white man.

“The culture that arrived with the tall ships in Sydney Cove was not only deeply patriarchal, but sexist…it was a type of violence introduced to Australia like an invasive species,” writes Robert Hughes. “The brutalization of women in the colony had gone on so long, that it was virtually a social reflex by the end of the 1830s.”

In some ways, nothing has changed in the 21^st century Australia.  

In my personal experience, patriarchal religions have institutionalised  the power imbalances between men and women, which in turn helped socialise gender role expectations, all of which perpetuate domestic, and other forms of violence, against women. The ubiquitous spectre of the ‘fallen woman’ with all of its societal connotations,  has also aided and abetted some men’s deeply rooted subjugation of women.    

The author discusses several options for lowering the alarming and ever-increasing rates of domestic abuse and homicides in Australia, while advocating for cultural change in wider society.

This is a remarkable book by Jess Hill, and testifies to her extensive investigative research into the deeply rooted causes of domestic abuse.  The personal stories she has uncovered and writes about are truly heart-rending, and I as a reader, now realise just how little I know about  the suffering that domestic abuse is causing to women and children, not just in Australia, but around the world.

Thank you, Jess Hill, for writing this very important work. 

-Anne Frandi-Coory. 7 June 2021